Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
