porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
