dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
