i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
