Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
