I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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