I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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