I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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