Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
