just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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