that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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