Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
