Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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