i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
