I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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