You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
