He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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