yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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