You're completely useless in the revolution.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
