When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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