mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Come on in and take your pants off
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