So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
