I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
