Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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