You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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