Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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