And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
