the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
