Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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