Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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