Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
