sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
