god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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