will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
