She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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