I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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