he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
