Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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