I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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