Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
i think i just lost a toe
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
