I didn't shave. On purpose
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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