I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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