Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
