i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
