Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
people are starting to question the shark bite story
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
