I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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