You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
