Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
