Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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