i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
